It doesn’t seem possible that one year ago today I was holding a tiny baby girl, just hours old.
Ian and I watched her birth video last night. Tears streamed down my face as I remembered those little dark eyes staring at me for the first time, so silent and alert. My second waterbirth baby. An intense, fast, perfect delivery.
Now, that 8 pound 4 ounce bundle of joy is closer to 18 pounds, and Daisy is becoming very much her own little person.
It has taken me a full year to complete a cross stitching project for her. I had hoped to have it done before she was born, but couldn’t get it done. Obviously it still needs to be pressed and framed, and it’s scaled back from my original envisioned project, but here it is. And I squeaked in before the adjusted 1st birthday deadline. (Note to future parents: Don’t get too ambitiously crafty for baby #1. You’ll feel compelled to repeat it for subsequent babies, and the degree of difficulty goes up dramatically the more rugrats you have competing for your attention!)
Daisy May. Such a sweet little peanut. Even her name makes people smile.
“She’s the best crazy decision we ever made,” I told my husband today, smiling at the chubby legs poking out from under a red and white birthday dress. I remember the day we called to tell our parents and siblings we were expecting. After the shock and excitement, we heard quite a few hesitant pauses. (“Was this….planned?” I know they wanted to ask, but didn’t think they should.) With one boy, one girl, and jobs that keep us hopping at strange hours, it did seem like an unlikely choice to dive back into sleepless nights and diaper changes. I think everyone close to us assumed that our family of four was complete.
But I simply could not ignore that longing. For me baby lust always starts as a faint whisper, and then grows exponentially until it’s a giant locomotive engine taking over my head and heart. Discovering that Ian wasn’t opposed to the idea was the green light I never expected. “When does it ever make sense to have a baby?” he pressed, when I listed the reasons why I should just try to forget about the whole idea. He had seen the look in my eyes after holding the newborn son of some close friends. “If we decide we want something badly enough, we figure out a way to make it work,” he told me. Cue the locomotive.
Now I can hardly believe I almost talked myself out of having her. Calvin and Clara are crazy about their baby sister, and so much more helpful than I ever imagined. We worried about bringing more stress to our family, but when I think about what Daisy has brought to us, all that comes to mind is joy and love. I feel crazy lucky to have all three of them.
Happy first birthday, Daisy May!